A Live Reality Game Through The Eyes of a Neurodivergent Person

Back in August 2025, I spent a week in the backwoods of British Columbia playing a 21-person live-reality game called Marooned - Live Reality Game, a season that had a theme of 'Cursed Kingdom,' and it was really a meaningful adventure that involved meaningful people.

It was an adventure I put a lot of preparation into.

At first, I wasn't sure I was going to actually do the adventure, as I wasn't sure if I could manage it, but then the Spirit of God nudged me and gently encouraged me to do it and let me know that I was needed there, so I decided to trust in God and go forth to do whatever I was needed to do there. Like, I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and it's a fact that I'm not gonna hide. I like to talk about God. I'm also neurodivergent in that I have ADHD and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, so that, among other things, is a special interest of mine that I like to share a fascination with. I don't mean to annoy people with my special interests, but they are my special interests that I wanna include others in and invite them to see the joy I feel about them. I wanted to bring that too Marooned.

Anyway, when I finally was accepted into Marooned and secured my spot by paying for it, I engaged in daily physical, mental, and spiritual preparation to make sure I would be ready for the adventure. I walked a kilometre a day, I balanced on the curbs in the neighborhood in case there was a challenge involving balance beams, I ate less to prepare for food rationing, and I also prayed a lot to ensure that I would be prepared spiritually. I also went shopping for supplies, chatted with my family about how I wanted to come across during the adventure, and even got a blessing so I could be my best self during the time I was out there.

My mom's youngest sister happened to be with my parents when they visited me to give me a blessing prior to me leaving for the game, so she got to be present for that. My eternal dad gave me a blessing that included counsel to continue to keep the gospel in mind, to continue to read and study and to be an example to those around me so I could be a light like I've always wanted to be.

In addition to that, I had conversations about who I wanted to be out there. I didn't want to put a personality on just for TV/YouTube. I wanted to be a Christian, as I strive to be that in every day life. My aunt said that when I profess to be a Christian, I need to show that light to others because that may be the only thing they see, and that seeing me and my actions may be the only time they see Christ. My aunt was clear that I needed to make sure that I always showed the actions of Christ even if it might be hard to do, as people would always be watching and judging. The Spirit also made it clear that I needed to be unafraid to pray on the camera. People tried to talk me out of it, but I do believe the Lord speaks to people and when the Lord speaks, it is paramount to listen to the Lord above people, as He knows better than all people.

As the adventure got closer, the Lord sent me encouragement and I also searched for it. Among those encouragements was an opportunity to study General Authority Seventy Elder Michael B. Strong's talk, which was called 'Charity: A Sign of True Discipleship' the Sunday before I was supposed to go to British Columbia. I studied this talk so very heavily even into the adventure and used it as a guide for how I conducted myself during that adventure. I take it as God knowing that I needed a gift of reassurance that I was doing the right thing. I was going into a very strange situation with no idea what to expect, and God wanted me to be prepared, so He sent me something He knew would help me and reassure me that I would accomplish what I was supposed to.

The main thing I got out of it was how to be a disciple of Christ. Through studying Elder Strong's talk, I learned that a disciple is an apprentice who devotes their life to becoming like their teacher. They are learners, novice learners gaining from a greater learner who has accumulated enough knowledge and connection with the Spirit to teach by the Spirit and also learn by it. Following Christ, the talk stated, is a serious commitment and way of life that should guide us at all times, in all things, and in all places. To be the Lord's disciples, we must intentionally imitate His thoughts and actions every day - for example: his obedience, humility, and patience. As President Russell M. Nelson taught in the talk, "Our adoration of Jesus Christ is best expressed by our emulation of Jesus." I also learned that charity is showing compassion unto self and others and that compassion is the portion of charity that seeks to alleviate suffering.

I have always strived to conduct daily conversations with myself and ask myself: what am I doing to alleviate someone's suffering today or how can I do that? After I asked that question, I did what I could to either help alleviate the suffering of others or alleviate my own through temporal or spiritual self care. I do what I can and I find joy in my best.

In further studying Elder Strong's talk, I came to understand that Christ was moved with compassion for others, but not so much for Himself. God had to put others along His way to remind Him of the importance of that and give Him compassion and love. One way to identify a follower of Jesus Christ, I learned, is how they treat other people and how they treat themselves. I suppose I am like Christ in this way: I am so nice to people, but I forget to feed myself grace. But I did promise that I would at least try to do that no matter how chaotic the adventure got. I also thought about what to take with me in terms of what I could carry inside in addition to self-compassion.

The ultimate lessons I ultimately committed to apply in my adventure and even now is that charity is observing and meeting the unspoken needs of others and encouraging them is offering hope and comfort rather than condemnation. Charity is offering grace instead of anger and hate. Charity is uplifting and befriending those who feel alone, offended, or forgotten. I didn't want anyone to be forgotten, so I promised myself that I would always work to remember everyone and ensure that they were always on my mind and my heart.

And before I knew, it was time to go. So I went.

With my commitments written on my heart.

Even before I arrived in British Columbia to take on the adventure of Marooned, my mind was on the game and how I would be able to fit in with people who would likely be very different than me.

I had never done a Live Reality Game before, but I had watched plenty of them on the internet. I knew authenticity was something I wanted to hold fast to, as living lies never made me feel good.

I was very much aware, however, that fitting into the group would be nothing less than challenging because social situations have always been a challenge. I just was eager to try because I've never been afraid to try new things even if I end up ultimately failing at them. And I love competitive games. I love the spirit of adventure that I have. And I love telling myself yes when others say that I'm not capable of doing things because of my disabilities.

Anyway, the journey to Vancouver Airport was quiet and I arrived earlier than my pick-up time and so I bought extra snacks and chargers at a gift shop. And then I ended up having to go on a multi-kilometer hike across the airport to meet my pickup.

When I finally caught up with them, I found myself meeting the very funny Production member Setu and two players: Olivia and Jason.

Olivia did try to greet me, but players were not allowed to speak to each other per the rules against pregaming, so I didn't respond and we went on our way to Camp Coyote in Langley, B.C. Production had booked the entire camp, which was why we had to pay to play, so it was truly going to be our little haven of adventure and I was truly excited about it.

When we got to Camp Coyote, we were given spaces in the front part of the campsite where we would spend the night and I spent the day reading Church magazines on my phone, listening to music on my MP3 player, staring at the sky, napping, smelling the air, getting water, reading notes on discipleship I had prepped for myself, and snacking to build strength. It was near evening when I noticed that Jason from my car was actually right across the road from me and he looked absolutely broken and terrified, so I tossed him a small pack of Goldfish crackers and I also tossed one to Olivia, as they were both in my car and they looked like they needed help, but I didn't get into trouble because I didn't talk to either of them. I promised to never do it again, though cause I do believe I got a dirty look from Prod. They let it go after that. I could tell, though, that Jason and Olivia were both grateful because I don't think they had anything. I also got to do a confessional and was super excited to do it because I had never done a 'Survivor confessional' before and I truly made the most of it.

When it got dark, I heard Braden talking about coyotes and so I freaked out and asked for a tent to borrow, as they had tents to spare.

Anyway, the next morning, I woke at a decent time, got ready, filled my supply bag, and then prepared to surrender my electronics, my luxury item, and other luggage to Production because we were going into the game with only the clothes on our back, our water, and our supply bags. We would have to earn our rewards and sleeping bags.

We were then all given our supply begs, the color being the tribe we would be assigned to. I was given a green bag and a green buff. I would be a member of the Cu'Sith Tribe. We were known for being fighters, physical, and lone wolves. I have always been a fighter and a lone wolf, but physical? Meh. I'm not sure about that one. LOL

Anyway, I took my stuff and joined my tribe over at the area that would serve as our Tribal Council with Production member Kristen. My tribe consisted of Matty P., Larissa, Jessy, Riley, Joshua, and Paxton. We spent some time engaging in time-passing games while avoiding really getting to know each other and being sequestered from the Alicorn and Basilisk Tribes. Anyway, when it was time to officially begin the game, we lined up, walked into the area with our tribes and got right into the chaos by being brought face to face with our first reward challenge.

We had to help a tied-up tribe member to go over a hurdle, crawl through an army crawl, a post, an A-frame, and then when we got the person through, we had someone hammer nails into a board and do a puzzle. I recall lifting the tied up tribe mate, which was Paxton, through endless obstacles and just being encouraging where I could be.

Cu'Sith ultimately won the reward challenge and we were able to take our luxury items and sleeping stuff to our camps. We also got some tarps, flag-making stuff, and a few rations.

With our rewards in hands, and happiness in our hearts that we had dominated the first challenge of Season 3 of Marooned, Cu'Sith gathered as a tribe to set up our camp. Once we got the tarps set up, we sat around introducing ourselves and sharing about our luxury items.

When it was my turn, I introduced myself and shared that I brought my scriptures and I have a favorite scripture. It's called Doctrine and Covenants, Section 18:10, "...The worth of souls is great in the sight of God. And I said, "I think everybody just needs to know that we are all of infinite worth. We're all of great worth. And we need to remember that for ourselves. And we need to remind each other of that each and every day. No matter winning or losing, we're all of great worth to each other and to ourselves." The tribe told me that they found that beautiful.

In my confessional, I also introduced myself by saying, "My name is Heather Lee Cameron. I'm 37 years old. I live in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada. I'm an actor. I'm a writer and I'm a creative freelancer. I'm actually creative in how I live my life, too, because I've got some disabilities. I've got ADHD. I've got Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, which I don't know if it's on the spectrum or not (which it is), but it certainly makes me a unique person. I don't think there's been anybody like me. So, I'm very proud to be the groundbreaker. It means that I've opened a door that I hope has never closed. And, you know, I am just enjoying the adventure. I'm enjoying the journey because that's what this is. It's a journey of love. It's a journey of growth and I'm excited for the experience no matter what it may bring and I thank God for giving it to me."

I could tell that I wasn't really fitting in well with the tribe, as I do think not everyone believed in God or scriptures, but I felt like I just wanted to love them anyway.

One of my favorite things to do there was to get up and read the treemail. It was fun to check the box and to hold it and enjoy everyone looking at me with positivity. Anyway, it was treemail about an opportunity to visit a round table experience and we all wanted to do it, so we decided to be fair about picking who got to go. I really did want to go, but I wanted to be fair and let everyone feel like they mattered.

Like, there was a lot of discussion and we decided to do it fairly and I decided not to be bossy because that's not a very Christian thing to do. We ultimately picked sticks and the one who got the shortest stick would get to go. The winner of that mini-competition was Joshua. Joshua was nervous and said he hadn't wanted to go and he looked very nervous, so I offered to pray for him. I asked if I could. And Joshua agreed to let me do that. And then I said, "Because you are my friend, I'll pray for you." So we prayed together on camera with our arms around each other,. I said, "Dear, heavenly father, please bless Joshua as he goes off into the unknown, the strange world that he will be given wisdom and clarity and bless us that we may be given what is good for us and not what is bad in the name of Jesus Christ. And bless Joshua cuz he is a good soul and deserves great because is your child in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

Joshua told me afterwards that I said a prayer his mama would be proud of. What awed me is that even though they all didn't believe in God, everyone else literally hung around for the prayer. It was kind of them and I feel bad that I never thanked them for doing that. I was truly grateful they did that even though I can't tell them that.

And when Joshua was gone, I did a little confessional about it, in which I said, "Gave Joshua a little prayer before he left and that he'd be able to make the decision that's best for him and best for the tribe. It'll be his choice whether or not he chooses to be honest about what he gets. I'll be able to tell with body language cause I may be a Christian, but I can still play a good hardcore game."

Anyway, shortly after that was the Immunity Challenge. We were put in pairs and as a pair, we were told to go over the hurdles, up above the A-frame, climb under the belly crawl, race into the forest to grab a bundle of puzzle pieces, get a bundle, and then rotate until all the pieces were retrieved. After we got the pieces, we'd build a puzzle bridge, cross it, cross a balance beam, and then use bean bags to knock down blocks, cross a balance beam, and then deal with knocking down blocks before tribe members would do a sword puzzle. During tribal strategizing, I offered to go first in case I ended up being slow and then everyone else could make up for it.

So I went first with Joshua and gave it my all in trying to get the pieces and go over the obstacles. And then while I recovered, I 'kept an eye' on the pieces we got and untied them as they came in. Then came the balance beam from hell, which was one regular beam followed by a smaller, higher-up beam. I tried at least 10-15 times to get across the beam from hell. I actually got across the first beam several times and halfway across the second beam before falling, but it did cause us to lose. As hard as I tried, we lost. An endearing moment, however, happened then because the Cu'Sith tribe decided to help me walk both beams just so I could have the experience. And then it was broken by Jessy asking us if we wanted to talk about the vote right then and there.

I was so bothered by that directness that I started trying to get help to get her voted off. The moment we got back to camp, I talked with Joshua and also tried to talk with Matty P., Riley, and Paxton about voting Jessy off for her directness and also for a comment she had made to me about how I had been overstimulated by the texture of the mosquito net we had in our possession and were setting up at camp. I did honestly try to make an alliance with Matty P., Riley, Joshua, and Paxton, but I don't know if it was actually genuine. I knew Larissa wasn't overly fond of me and even caught her trying to talk about me in front of me, which she wasn't rattled by, and so I didn't really try to connect with her.

Anyway, there was a plan to go after Jessy, at least in my mind, until Riley spouted off, "Even if you're the first one voted off, you should be happy that you played," and began to taunt me, "You better find an idol, you better find an idol!" I then tried to switch the plan and go after Riley for saying what he said and I tried very hard to do it, as I felt what he said was cruel, but nobody was going for it, so I ultimately moved the plan back to Jessy. I also quite literally ran all over that camp looking for the idol because I knew, just from watching others have conversations about me in earshot of me, that I was in trouble.

I ended up not being able to find the idol before it was time to go and ended up having a good cry in the holding area while we waited for Council to start because I knew I was being voted off and there was nothing I could do nor was there anything anyone wanted to do about it. I was comforted by one of those lovely alumni who were helping Prod put things together and to just have that love meant the world.

Anyway, at my first and last Tribal Council, nobody really had anything to say, but I made sure to speak well of my tribe and our performance. Braden also asked me about how my tribe helped me across the beam after the immunity challenge and I ended up getting personal and sharing a story that my mom told me, a story that happened when I was three. When I was three, my family doctor told my mom to put me in a group home because it would be hard raising a child with a disability. And of course she said no. And I also shared this, "I was thinking about how much the world has changed and that, of course, people like me still struggle. But I'm here and I'm welcome in this space. I'm welcome in this strange new world. And I've been very welcome among these people. And these people say, "Don't give up. You may struggle, but we don't want to kick you out of the world. We want to help you find your place in the world." And it's very lovely and very kind. And they were very kind to at least help me. Of course, we had lost, but they wanted to help me. and I'm glad that I was supported in my goal of not wanting to quit. I've just never been one to give up. Like, of course, life is challenging, but I've never been one to give up. And I actually led the tribe in a bit of a prayer. Like, even though we lost, we should still be grateful that we were able to finish with grace and a goodattitude. We weren't angry about it. We just had a hug and we were grateful to be there and I was grateful to at least be given the opportunity to try and finish and at least have a little bit of dignity afforded me."

Tribal went on from there, but people really didn't have much to say after that. I think we were all tired because it was late, we had little physical and emotional energy, and people just wanted the day to be over. When it came to voting, I simply voted for Riley and gently spoke, "You need to watch what you say. I love you." I also said that I didn't have to be happy about being the first out. In reference to my first comment, I was clear to Riley that he should watch what he says, as what he says can be taken different ways by different people. I did not regret that, nor did I regret sending my love to him before I dropped the vote in the urn. I did care about him and was grateful for his existence, as he helped me carry my bag going to the reward challenge, but he did say something inappropriate and he needed to be held accountable. My vote to him was me holding him accountable. With love.

Anyway, the votes were predictable and when I knew I was going to be voted out for sure, I stood a little early to give myself that dignity and power. Plus, I was too tall for the stump I was sitting on at Tribal and I kept slipping off. When it was time to go, I grabbed my torch with great dignity and went over to Braden and said, "Thank you," after my torch was snuffed. Nobody bothered saying goodbye or clapping and I didn't want to force a goodbye on them, so I just elected to leave quietly with gratitude and peace in my heart.

Braden, however, handed me a red Redemption Tribe buff and an ember necklace to "light my way."

My journey, it seems, was not yet over.

It was time for a new journey.

With my red Redemption Tribe buff in hand and my ember around my neck, I spoke my final words as a player in Marooned - Live Reality Game...for the moment.

I vaguely recall crying in my confessional, but I did say good things about myself, the game, and my tribe.

After I was done giving my exit confessional, I was taken to the 'holding area' for Redemptionists by Shane, a very kind Production member and invited to sit and rest. And did I need to rest. I needed to decompress. I needed to hug myself. Shane was so chill about me decompressing and just releasing my anxiety. Most chill guy on the green earth that was Camp Coyote.

Anyway, Shane and I waited there for a while because the other tribe was at Tribal Council and we fully expected that I would get company shortly. However, just as it was getting very late, Shane got a call over his radio that someone had quit. Before I knew what was happening, I was suddenly being given a huge hug by Lucas and he said he was going to quit. Production ultimately decided they wanted to film the moment, so we all went into this creepy looking jungle cove that was hidden at the back of the campground. It was almost like a baby swamp, to be honest. Anyway, Production filmed Lucas telling me he was quitting and they filmed him giving me his amulet and I hugged him and kissed his head and told Lucas that I loved him and that I wished him luck.

After Lucas left, I made a comment about the Redemption Cove looking like a creepy boneyard that was taped. Production then had me stay the night in a tent for safety reasons because the Redemption camp was kind of isolated and too far away from anyone to be considered a safe place to spend the night alone. Once daylight hit, however, I was sent back to the area to wait with supplies and my things.

Christen eventually showed up there after being voted out and I greeted her warmly. In a gentle attempt to help her feel better about having to be in that creepy cove, I tried saying something along the lines, "With the bitter comes the sweet. We'll get our chance to come back," and I think it made her amused in the moment. I think I really did try to get to know people and lighten the difficulty of the circumstance. I don't recall everything we talked about while we were there alone together, but she said I talked about God "all of the time," and I don't think I did. I do recall her, however, being very determined to make our creepy little cove as pleasant a camp as possible, so she organized our things and our tarps and made the area quite homely. Which was good because we didn't know how many would ultimately join us.

When Joshua showed up at Redemption, I greeted him with a huge hug and he apologized for joining Cu'Sith Tribe in voting me out. I literally held my brother from another parent in my arms as if he were gold. It was sad he was voted out, but I was glad to see him there and carrying the same kind spirit he had in the tribe.

Katie was the next to come. Katie came first and she was very sweet. She actually invited me to join the rest of the Redemptionists when they elected to hide in the trees and watch the next challenges play out. She just had this gentle determination about her that I found to be an admirable quality, but she could also get firm when it was needed too. She was great.

Olivia did not come until much later, after the rest of us had made our beds for the night under and atop our provided tarps. By then, it was raining and it was cold, so we were all laying in a row under and atop tarps, using our bags as pillows, huddled in our sleeping bags, and cuddling up beside each other platonically in order to stay warm. It was not easy to sleep soundly and I ended up sitting up after dark due to cold and anxiety. The trees had some ethereal sort of lights shining through them that looked very spooky and every so often, I would hear a noise or see lights and so I'd call out "hello" because I was extremely spooked. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Olivia arrived and we all went to sleep. In the rain. The next morning, it was still messy out and everything was soaked, so we relocated our tarps and we hid our things as best we could under an A-frame in the back field so it could dry.

The rain eventually got so torrential that Production gathered all three tribes and the Redemption tribe into the Prod prop shelter, had all the secret stuff covered with tarps, and just had all four tribes sit in separate spots of the shelter and not talk to anyone but Production and their own tribes. I alternated between the shelter and just wandering around outside when the rain eased.

When the rainstorm was over, we were sent back to the back field, but Prod did not make us sit in the cove with our stuff. They let us stay in the field so we could have our stuff dried out by the sun. It took a long time.

And in the midst of it all, most of the tribe elected to share one tarpmat as a sleeping space while I was relegated to the other. I didn't quite understand why they did that, as it made me feel alone and when I tried to ask why, I wasn't really given an answer. So I dropped it and simply tried to make my island as comfortable as possible. I was thankfully joined by newly voted out Josh O., who was quite happy to share the other space with me.

Not long after that,we came to learn why only three of us: me, Christen, and Joshua, had been given ember necklaces. Lucas had originally given me his when he quit the game, but Production took the second one and gave it to Joshua S. so the first three 'vote outs' each had one.

We then learned that the Redemption players would need to compete in four challenges: Earth, Air, Wind, and Fire Quests that would eventually determine who would get back in the game.

The three embers were symbolic of the lone three who would compete in the final Redemption challenge. If a person without an ember won a quest, they could choose to steal an ember for themselves.

And then, we were informed that it was time to truly begin our journey back towards Redemption and jump into the competition phase of the twist.

Those in Redemption Camp learned that the Redemption players would need to compete in four challenges: Earth, Air, Wind, and Fire Quests that would eventually determine who would get back in the game.

The three embers were symbolic of the lone three who would compete in the final Redemption challenge. If a person without an ember won a quest, they could choose to steal an ember for themselves.

And then, we were informed that it was time to truly begin our journey back towards Redemption and jump into the competition phase of the twist.

Now...I go back to the quests themselves...join me in looking back!

***

It was time for the inhabitants in Marooned Cursed Kingdom's Redemption Camp to engage in the 'element quests.'

Katie, Olivia, and Josh O. competed in the first competition and Josh O. ended up winning after a fierce competition. I was very fortunate that I was friendly with Josh O, as I knew he would care about what I had to say.

After the competition was over Josh O. had the opportunity to talk to everyone before the first ember ceremony. Christen did try to talk Josh O. into taking my or Josh S's ember away rather than take from her, which was understandable. She also pretty much said that if I was at the end, I was seen as one less person to beat, which I found interesting because I didn't think she listened to me at all and just brushed me off as silly.

Ever since the ember twist had been revealed to us, I had been talking about how I would be the best to take to the final round because I would be easier to beat and the responses I got were ones of silent amusement, so I assumed those self-promotions weren't taken seriously.

Anyway, when Josh O. got to me, he pretty much told me what Christen had said about Josh and I and I got right to business. Josh O. wanted to know what I thought, but I instead gently persuaded Josh S. into talking and also clocked Christen as basically telling him and using gentle intimidation to communicate to him, "I trust you'll make the right choice, but if it's not the choice I want, I'm going to come after you." Josh O. admitted that my line of thinking was accurate and I responded by telling him that he now had his answer about who to take the ember from. Josh O. did ultimately take Christen's ember and I do think my words had influence on that decision. Now that I'm looking back on this, I realize just how gently manipulative I came across and I cannot help but find it funny, as I wasn't trying to, but I did.

Shortly after the ember ceremony ended, we were joined by vote-outs Peter and Barney, both of whom travelled all the way from the U.K. to be part of the game. Barney was such a sweetie and it was truly entertaining to watch Peter be flummoxed about why he had been voted out. He wasn't even angry about it. He was just so confused about it and kept trying to work through it like it was a 100-piece puzzle. He is a professional poker player and has a very keen mind, so it was adorable to watch him try and verbally 'put the puzzle' together. Barney, meanwhile, was simply in good spirits and a lovely person to talk to. He wasn't visibly sad. He had a great attitude.

Anyway, there wasn't much time to chat before we were sent into our second quest. Christen, Katie, Olivia, Peter, and Barney competed in that and Christen ultimately won. It was around that time, maybe a little before, that I noticed Christen and Katie spending a lot of time together and I even think I encouraged one of them to ask the other out because of their obvious chemistry, not knowing that they had come into the game already being romantic partners. They hadn't told anyone they were together, but I thought they seemed very cute together, so I suggested they get to know one another. LOL at me later finding they were already together. They were so lovely to be around.

Before I had too much time to think about that, however, it was time for another ember ceremony. I had tried to persuade Christen as I did before that I was the better choice to take to the final, as I was less of a physical threat than others in our group. Christen's quiet response, however, told me that she was going to take my ember and not look at the logic. I knew it going in, so I tried to be as gracious as possible about it when it actually happened. When she took it, she said that "she wanted to give me a chance to compete," but that didn't make a lot of sense because I would have competed anyway had I been in the final.

I wish I understood why Christen didn't see the logic in keeping me and going after someone stronger who had an ember, but I don't know if I ever will. A lot of people from the cast and crew save a few are currently not speaking to me because of differences I still don't understand. I'm religious and they are not. I also am neurodivergent and the ones in Redemption camp were not to my knowledge. I tried very hard to not be wild and crazy. I just tried to be a good, supportive welcoming friend who loved all, but...it was not well received. And so...I sit on an island. Unwillingly.

Anyway, after I lost my ember, we were joined by two more Redemptionists: Scott and Matt. Matt actually journeyed from the UK to play the game and I didn't know much about Scott either, but they were both very nice.

And then it was time for the third quest. The third quest required those playing to run into the woods near the old Alicorn Camp, get color-coded number tiles from everywhere, and then once a player had four, they could begin a tree puzzle. Kristen said that this quest was "very important" because those who did not have an ember after the challenge would be participating in a Do Or Die challenge where they would be subject to permanent elimination.

Matt B., Scott, Barnie, Peter, Olivia, Katie, and I were all competing in this quest and I did my best to go as fast as I could finding the pieces, but the anxiety of knowing it was pretty much my last chance to save myself made it hard for me to think straight or move well. I managed to find one on my own and even as others hung around and began to trade, I was still running through the woods trying to find something. I knew that negotiating would likely not work for me, as I knew I was the outcast among them, and so I just decided to work as hard as I could to bear myself up.

It was a struggle and I really felt alone in those moments, but I was so determined to make it work as I always have with everything I do. I could even hear Kristen reminding everyone who was complaining about being 'deadlocked' "Hey, if Heather gets back, she might be able to help you." I just wanted to try my best, though, and not worry about anyone else. Even though I didn't feel like my best was doing very much, I did not give up. As I was searching, however, Katie came into the woods and said I had a piece she needed, so she was gonna help me look. Katie quite literally found a piece for me and then helped me get back to the game site.

I then started trading with other players with the belief that I could at least be kind and helpful even if I couldn't win. Funny enough, though, I ended up with four number tiles of the same color and got to try the puzzle anyway because I managed to negotiate just enough for myself. I managed to get over halfway done with the puzzle, which really impressed even me because I had never done that type of puzzle before. Unfortunately for me, it was not enough and Olivia ended up winning. Olivia ended up taking Joshua S.'s ember. It was so heartwrenching to see Josh S. lose his ember. He literally looked like he was gonna cry when Olivia took it from him, so I said, "We love you, Frog Josh" to encourage him.

And then it was time for the Death Quest/Do or Die Challenge...

Joshua, Katie, Peter, Scott, Barnie, Matt B., and I were center stage for this one. Three of us would be safe and able to move to the last part of the Redemption Challenge, but four of us would be permanently eliminated. The challenge for us was 'Place The Skull.'

For Place the Skull, everyone would be blindfolded and a selected someone would place a skull in front of someone else. If the selected person figured out who gave them the skull, that person who gave the skull would be eliminated. If they didn't, they would be eliminated.

Josh S. went first, gave it to Barnie, Barnie thought it was Scott, and Barnie got eliminated. Kristen then tapped Scott and Scott went after Katie with the skull. Katie chose Peter and Katie got eliminated. Scott was then selected and he gave the skull to Josh S. Josh S. selected Peter, and Josh S. was eliminated.

And then Josh S. selected me to place the skull for the final round and when Kristen tapped me, I silently cursed, gave Scott the skull because I felt he was the strongest physically and I wanted to beat the physically strongest with my mind. I then went around the entire grove two or three times to disrupt all of the grass because people were checking the grass and then sat down. Scott really had trouble deciphering who did it: he checked the grass, he walked the grass, he had Peter and I show our shoes, and he asked us about 20 questions and he also had little whisper sessions with Matt B. for about 15-20 minutes, maybe even longer.

The episode makes it look like Scott caught me quickly, but it was definitely the longest deliberation out of the whole group because I almost conned Scott into believing I was innocent by simply playing the part. As cool as I think Scott is, he definitely did not figure it out by himself. Matt B. is the one who caught on to things I didn't even realize I was giving off. If Scott had had to figure it out with no help, I guarantee he wouldn't have been able to do it because I was very shady and quietly manipulative. Sadly, though, I was caught and I was the last eliminated from the Death Challenge.

My final words were this, "That means I'm almost a very good liar. It is not easy playing a game like this. I am very proud that I came out and tried. I gave it my absolute all. And I'm very proud. I never gave up. I never surrendered. I never admitted defeat. I truly did until I died. And now I am dead in the game. But my soul was not defeated for my spirit is still in the sky. I gave my heart and I'm not sorry that I tried."

Scott, Matt B., and Peter all gave me hugs before I disappeared into the shadows. Josh S. also told me he did what he did because he wanted to give me a chance to take someone out. I accepted it.

After I was permanently eliminated, my luggage and my technology was returned to me and everyone else who was permanently eliminated. Everyone who wanted to hang out for the last bit of the game, as there were only a few days left, were given spaces to sleep in crew camp, access to crew food, and invited to help set up and be challenge testers. I decided to stay there because hotels in the area were expensive and I had a flight booked for the day after the end of the game, and so I stayed. I slept in a crew tent that I was too tall for and that got sieged by mosquitoes and then I gave my all in supporting those who were left, being a challenge tester, and helping carry equipment and set up when asked. I even got to talk with some of the few who were eliminated after us, but not too much because Production was never clear about if Pre-Jurors and Jurors were allowed to communicate, so we had snippets of chats where we could. And I walked the campground as much as I could to be of support to those who were still in the game. It was likely 3 to 4 kms a day.

The prejurors who stayed, however, made the experience pleasant and we had several prejuror mini-picnics when we were watching challenges or Tribal Councils. We even had a goodbye picnic with each other after Christen had officially earned her way back into the game and had gone to her new tribe. We also lent technology and bug spray and did what we could to make our aftergames pleasant.

When Jason came out as the winner, I greeted him with a hug and a bag of Goldfish I had saved and told him, "I'm so proud of you, my little fishy. You learned how to swim to victory!" and gave him the Goldfish as a present. That fishy reference goes back to the pre-game when we were camped across the road from each other and I tossed Jason and Olivia, my car-mates, Goldfish crackers so they could keep their strength up.

Once the game was officially over, we all helped Production pack up the supply truck, clean the site, and then took off in groups to an Air BNB in Langley that had been rented for the afterparty. I ended up waiting for an Uber with Barnie, Matt B., and Production member, Cam, on the side of the road outside of Camp Coyote in the dark of the night after we had sent all of our stuff ahead with others. It was quite literally after 11 p.m./around midnight when this happened and we were the last to leave. It was spooky as heck, but I tried to make light of it by nicknaming us 'The Highway Riders.' When the Uber arrived, all three very tall, very strong men allowed me to sit in the front, which was very gentlemanly of them...

When we got to the Air BNB, I was shocked to find that we were at a literal mansion. I quickly got my stuff, put it inside, and settled myself on a couch in the front room to rest and breathe for a moment and then I went and helped myself to pizza. I also got in the group photo. While everyone partied, I dozed on the couch and it was around 1 a.m. that I was suddenly woken up by Christen and moved into the room that Josh S. had so graciously given up so I could sleep in privacy. I thanked her and Josh S. for that graciousness and managed to get a couple hours of sleep.

I woke around 3:30, got my stuff together, and then ordered an Uber to Vancouver airport, as my flight home was early. Only Production member Carl and Riley from Cu'Sith saw me off in silence.

I was a literal mess for a while until I could get back to Alberta and then it took my legs nearly three months and constant applications of five different creams to heal because of all the bites on my legs. I looked like I had three different types of chicken pox on them. But my legs are fine now.

The emotional stuff was harder to work through, as I didn't understand what I had done to earn the ire of Christen and others and I think I drove myself insane trying to figure it out on my own and with God.

I even tried to communicate about it in the Discord and take accountability for anything I might have done to contribute to the ire, but I was told to be quiet and also told that I had made people uncomfortable with my constant positivity, gentle encouragements, and attempts to decompress to the point where my participation in the alumni Discord was limited, meaning I was barred from chatting. I ultimately left the Discord because it felt too lonely to stay. I later tried to come back after I decompressed, but my requests have been ignored. The one running the Discord acts like I don't exist. It is what it is.

I also tried to make amends for my part of the conflicts with others privately, but few wanted to hear it. And when I say my part of the conflicts, I experienced aggressive micromanaging during my time at Redemption by Christen and I don't quite understand why she felt the need to do that, but it was overwhelming to me. My attempts to help with camp were micromanaged, my attempts to have conversations with others were micromanaged, my attempts to fit in with the group were micromanaged, and my attempt to even stay calm were micromanaged. I didn't enjoy being micromanaged, as a lot of people have done that through my life because they assume that I cannot do anything because I have disabilities, but I was seen as the badguy/the dangerous one for daring to speak up that I was uncomfortable with it and daring to get mad. I was never aggressive, but it seemed the more I tried to advocate for myself, the more I was seen as the enemy and even Carl told me that he saw Christen as more of a light than me. I was tired and frustrated by the end of it all, so maybe I came off too much for anyone, but when I am not heard and respected, I get frustrated and it gets worse the more I am not heard and validated. I tried for so long to gain validation for my feelings, but...it was hard.

A few gave me communication and grace along with it and those were healing balms. But only a few. The majority have let me be by myself with everything. I ended up sending authentic feedback into Production about my experience and haven't heard from many since. I still talk to a few here and there, but I am truly careful not to be too much with them because I don't really know what limits their love has.

I've truly had to learn to bear myself up and let God bear me up while decompressing from the experience and I've forgiven myself, gotten counseling, and truly loved to learn who I am and how I am and also understand that I am not perfect, but I am still worthy of love and respect, including respect from myself.

Even with all of the chaos I experienced in Marooned and after, I hope that I have a future in Live Reality Games because they are really very mind-expanding and not only teach me about the nature of people, they also teach me about myself, what doesn't work about me, and what I am capable of being and becoming if I really apply myself.

Anyway, that is my experience in Marooned: Cursed Kingdom.